Heero Yuy Discovers Coffee
by yorozuyagaren
Summary: A mission on L2 brings interesting results. Non-yaoi.
1. Chapter 1: Bored

I own nothing. I do not make any money off this, and even if I did, why the hell would I tell you?

"I _hate_ this!"  
  
Heero looked up from his ever-present labtop and glanced over at Duo. The braided boy was hanging upside down on the couch, glaring at the underside of the coffee table.  
  
"What do you hate?" Heero asked.  
  
The other boy flipped himself over with a grunt and sat on the couch. "Everything." he said. "There's not one single thing I can do around here that's the slightest bit useful, and I'm sick of it. I'm bored."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"You're not helping, you know."  
  
Heero didn't respond, but ran his fingers through his dark hair and went back to typing. Duo got up off the couch and huffed down to the kitchen where Quatre and Trowa were helping some of the Maganac Corps make lunch.  
  
"What's up Duo?" Quatre said cheerfully.  
  
"That would be the problem." Duo replied. "I'm bored out of my mind."  
  
The blond boy tried to think of something helpful to say, but failed. "You wanna help us make lunch?" he asked.  
  
"Nah, you don't want me going near the food. Trust me."  
  
"You're not that bad at cooking."  
  
Duo shrugged, then left, grabbing an apple on the way out.  
  
"It always makes me worried when he gets like this." Quatre remarked to no one in particular.  
  
"Not much we can do to help." Trowa said. "It's not like he'll come to us if he needs something."  
  
The blond boy sighed. "Something other than food, that is. We should keep going on lunch before everyone starts getting mad."


	2. Chapter 2: Lunch and a Mission

Thank you to ally127, the one person who reviewed. I was planning on keeping you all in suspense for a while, but let's face it, I'm too nice for my own good. Here it be, the second chapter, and poor Garen seems to be developing Lyme disease.  
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Chapter 2: Lunch and a Mission  
  
Halfway through lunch, the vid-phone rang. As usual, Duo and Quatre both dived for it while the other three boys kept eating. Duo fought Quatre away from the phone and answered it.  
  
"Winner residence, Duo Maxwell speaking."  
  
Sally Po's face appeared on the screen. She looked worried. "Duo?" she said. "We've got a bit of a problem on L2. Could you, Heero, and Wufei come to headquarters sometime before two? Come ready with any special equipment."  
  
Heero shrugged and Wufei nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I think we can swing it." Duo said.  
  
"Good. I'll see you later then." The screen went blank.  
  
"Oh joy. A mission." Duo said, then dug into his half-finished noodles. Heero shrugged.  
  
"You are entirely too enthusiastic about this, Maxwell." Wufei said. The Chinese boy had already finished his meal, having not been interrupted by the phone. "You seem to forget that being Preventers is a serious business, and that missions are work, not time for you to fool around."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Duo replied, waving his hand in dismissal. "It's just that there's nothing much for me to do here, and I'm glad that we get to do something useful."  
  
"Baka."  
  
"Goody-two-shoes."  
  
"Long-haired freak."  
  
"Hard-ass."  
  
"Goof-off."  
  
"Stick-in-the-mud."  
  
"Weak fool."  
  
"Annoying-person-who-doesn't-realize-that-I-could-probably-go-on-like-this- all-day-without-repeating-myself-because-where-I-come-from-being-rude-is- considered-an-art."  
  
"Let me guess, you consider yourself to be an expert in this art?"  
  
Duo grinned, his expression one of pure spite. "Of course."  
  
"On that one thing, I'm forced to agree with you, Maxwell."  
  
"If you two are done arguing, do you think you could help clear the table?" Quatre said timidly.  
  
"Sure." Duo replied, and started stacking plates. Wufei muttered something about women's work and stomped off. Duo stuck his tongue out at the Chinese boy's retreating back.  
  
"Can't you two even try to get along?" Quatre moaned.  
  
"Hey, I'm trying, it's not my fault that he's got no sense of humor."  
  
"Well, maybe you should try not to get on his nerves. I think that seems to be the biggest problem."  
  
"If I didn't get on his nerves, I wouldn't be Duo Maxwell. Sometimes I think I annoy him just by breathing."  
  
Quatre giggled. "True."  
  
"Maxwell! Hurry up and get ready to leave!" Wufei shouted from the other room.  
  
"Here, you need to go." the blond boy said, taking the plates. Duo nodded and went to load his braid and his pockets.  
  
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Sitting on the floor in his room, the braided boy went over his arsenal. "Lockpicks, knives, smoke bombs, cherry bombs... I feel like I'm forgetting something." He stood up and poked around the room, trying to remember what the other thing was.  
  
"MAXWELL GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE NOW!!" Duo groaned, stuffed the last of his knives into his braid, and went downstairs. If he had forgotten something, it was just too bad.  
  
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Review, or I swear I won't update. Really.


	3. Chapter 3: Wufei's Personal Hell

Ha! Exams are over, and I get to update! Take that, freaky guidance counselor dude!

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Chapter 3: Wufei's Personal Hell  
  
"Apparently the drug problems on L2 aren't as trivial as we thought they were. The worst of the smuggling is comissioned by a man called Big Joe Maratini. Sources show that he's got enough followers and capital to start a small army, and that's what he just did a few days ago." Sally pointed to the three small knapsacks on the floor. "You three need to get in, figure out what he's doing and where he's getting the goods, and possibly sabotage the operation, with extra emphasis on possibly. I don't want any of you getting killed trying to get rid of the man himself. Understood?"  
  
"Got it, Sally."  
  
"Understood."  
  
"Hn."  
  
The woman pointed to the bags. "These contain emergency rations, guns and ammunition, and fake IDs. The rations are to be used only in an emergency, and no Duo, snack time is not an emergency."  
  
"Heheh. Got it." Duo said, blushing slightly.  
  
"I don't think I need to remind you that the IDs are not to be used for anything silly, either. Nor are they to be lost."  
  
"Got it."  
  
"Okay, you're all done. Look through the bags and figure out what's what, and be ready to catch a shuttle by three o'clock." With that, the resident commander of the Preventers turned smartly on her heel and walked off, leaving the three agents to rummage through the bags.  
  
"IDs..." Duo muttered. "This one's probably me, judging by the hair."  
  
"Only you," Wufei muttered. "would go undercover with something as obviously recognizable as that damned braid. How you're still alive, I'll never know."  
  
"It's because I'm Shinigami, and everyone knows that Shinigami can't die." Duo pointed out with a grin. The Chinese boy shook his head in disgust and grabbed his own ID.  
  
"Just don't forget what your name is supposed to be." Heero said. "Or something equally stupid."  
  
"Why is it that everyone expects me to make a mess?"  
  
"Because you usually do."  
  
"I'm hurt."  
  
"No, you're not."  
  
Duo cracked his famous grin. "Okay, so I'm not." He peered at the ID in Wufei's hand and gave a slow whistle. "At least I don't have a name like 'Chun Li.' It sounds like one of those crazy martial arts guys from those old movies Quatre likes."  
  
"Shut up Maxwell."  
  
"Correction, Simon Cass."  
  
"Shut up Simon Cass, then."  
  
"Hey Heero, what's yours?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
The newly dubbed Simon Cass bounced over to investigate. "'Hn?' That's an awfully funny name. Lemme see."  
  
"Go away."  
  
"It can't be that bad, can it?" Duo grabbed the card out of Heero's hand. "'Iwashi Mikanhito[1]?' Dude, who'd you piss off?"  
  
Heero replied with his Death Glare", which Duo ignored.  
  
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"So come on, I am the Whistler, I have a fife, and a drum to play. Dadadadata. Get ready, I am the Whistler, I whistle along on the seventh day. Whistle along on the--"  
  
Wufei glared over at his seatmate. "Cass, what are you muttering about?"  
  
Duo jumped about two feet in the air and took off one of his headphones. "What?" he asked.  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"No, you said something."  
  
"I said, never mind!" _Lucky Heero_, Wufei thought. Heero was sitting across the aisle, next to a young mother and her three young children.  
  
A cheeful female voice came on over the PA system. "Excuse me, this shuttle will be arriving on L2 within the next five minutes. Please collect all your personal belongings and have IDs ready for inspection. Thank you for your patronage."  
  
"Woohoo!" Duo yelled. Wufei gave him another glare.  
  
"Simon Cass, get your ass back in that seat before I'm forced to put it there." he muttered through clenched teeth.  
  
"Lighten up, Chumlie." Duo replied happily, but sat down anyway.  
  
"It's Chun Li, and don't forget it." Wufei muttered. "I knew you'd do something stupid."  
  
The PA system came back on.  
  
"We have arrived on L2. Please proceed to the front with all your personal belongings and have IDs ready for inspection. Note that the shuttle company is not responsible for any lost or stolen items. Thank you for your patronage and have a nice day."  
  
"Wonder if the company is responsible for lost sanity." Wufei muttered as he and his fellow Preventers got their duffle bags and went to the front of the shuttle. Duo jumped as if he'd been stung by something and ran to the front of the line, ducking under arms and nearly knocking over an elderly woman, grinning madly the whole time. "Or injuries caused by insane morons."

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[1]Sardine Tangerine-man. I love Japanese.

Reviewing things is fun. We like reviewing things, especially stories. I'm just a little hyper today.


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